RIP Auntie

She passed away on wednesday, September 17, 2008. Ironic how I posted the last blog worried about her a week before she passed. Things are really tough right now and I have not had the chance to speak to many people or thank/reply to the really sweet myspace comments that were left but I will get to them when I am able to. I have been helping out my Granny and my aunties son Joshua. I've been at their house spending the nights. The funeral is this wednesday. I'm actually sick right now. I have a virus. I went to the doctor this morning and got some antibiotic. That really sucks because I have no rest time since I'm really trying to help out, and I can't miss anymore school or work so man. I hope I feel better really soon. But yea.. I've been spacing out so much. Even when I'm driving, and that's really not a good thing. I end up driving somewhere that is not my destination because my mind is in another place. Even when i'm on the phone, I don't hear what people are saying because my mind is just NOT there. So I don't want my friends to feel as if I'm ignoring them because I'm not. Things are really crazy right now, and I feel like people can't tell me they know exactly how I feel because everyone is different and everyone handles death different. They may think oh it's just my auntie, but what people don't know is she is one of the ppl who helped raised me and we shared a very special relationship. The fact that I was already worried and terrified she might leave this earth before she actually did, is what really bothers me. The fact that I saw her dead body laying in that bed, really bothers me. And the fact that I did sleep in that bed where she died, bothers me. I'm really thankful for the people that have been staying close in contact with me, asking me how I'm doing - and just brightening up my day, really lifts my spirits. I'm happy to be around my loving family - we're helping each other out, especially my cousin josh and granny. This has brought us all tighter and I know that's what my auntie wanted. I really have been there for my cousin Joshua because I feel that he is the most important. That was his mommy, and he's only 11. We talk, he's off and on, he cries at random moments, but he's going to make it. I love him and I'll be there for him forever.

I would post the blog I wrote on myspace the day she died and the events that occurred, but I kinda don't feel like it. My friends and family really appreciated that blog because it let them know what happened and it also touched them and brought them to tears. So I'm glad I wrote that.

So right now I have to go pick up the programs for the funeral and make the picture collages so I'm off.....
God Bless

RIP Barbara Diana Ferrell
aka auntie
March 14, 1960 - September 17, 2008