The past few days have been so hard. As some of you know, my auntie has breast cancer. It has been a roller coaster ride. She was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer back in December 2006. She went through a lot, dealing with chemo, and around august 2007, her doctor basically told her to get her affairs in order. We felt he was wrong for saying what he did, because he's not God, and cannot give her a time. So she went to a new doctor, they had her doing radiation 2 times a day - and finally, January 2008, they removed the breast. She looked so much better, her hair was growing back, and finally, we thought it was over, and everything would be better from then on. She went back to chemo, lost all of her new beautiful hair, and everything just went downhill from then. The cancer spread. The past few months have been torture. Everyday, shes getting smaller and smaller. She's weak. She's skin and bones, and she hardly eats. Maybe shes starting to give up. People don't think shes going to make it. We spent time with her over the weekend. Shes been having blood transfusions and all of that, so I think this week shes been weaker than usual. Yesterday, we watched movies with her. She laid there in the bed and I couldn't help but notice her little frail body. If you know me, you know that I'm close to my auntie. She raised me, along with my Granny and my parents. She's one of my heroes, and seeing her like this breaks my heart. Shes the smartest person I know. She's such a beautiful person. She's like one of my best friends. I can tell her anything, and I know she won't judge me. You can hold the best conversations with her, and learn so many things from her. She is strong. She really is! When that doctor told her she wasn't gonna make it, she was like "fuck you!" She made it THIS far, and she will keep on fightin. But this cancer... I can't accept it. I can't accept that she could be dying. I can't accept losing her now. We need her. Her son, Joshua, who is only 11, NEEDS her. My Granny NEEDS her. We all need her. We can't let her give up. We need to let her know that we are here and fighting for her too. Our cousin flew in from southern California because she's really worried about my aunt. She actually had booked her flight for the end of September, but something told her to come now, so she did. It's just been really hard on me. I've been in tears so much. It seems like I cry like 10 times a day. I'm just so worried. I hate death. I hate sickness. Like this whole situation has made me appreciate life so much more. I don't think people understand how precious loved ones are. You never know when you might lose them, so cherish them. Spend time with them. Tell them you love them. Life is too short.
I'm going to stay positive. No one knows when shes going to die, and we can't focus on that, because that's like us giving up on her. I pray to God that he gives her more time. I pray for a miracle. I decided I'm going to write a really nice letter for her. Something to cheer her up, give her hope, and motivate her to keep fighting.
If there is anything you would like to write her, maybe something motivational or quotes, e-mail it to me. Pwincessbee@yahoo.com. I'd really appreciate it. =] I think I might make like a scrapbook or something out of it.
God Bless
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3 comments:
I can't even imagine your pain. I know how it feels to lose someone, Like you know I lost my father when I was 9, but I was young and so I kind of didnt really understand that much and plus he wasn't sick, so I didn't see him go through pain.
I've met your aunt before and she is a real sweet & understanding person and I could tell that if she can do anything for you, she would absolutely do it in a heartbeat. Just know that everything happens for a reason, she loves you and cares about you just as much as you love and care about her.. and it mostlikely makes her sad, seeing you sad for her. So try not to cry, try to have as many joyful moments with her as you can. Enjoy her company as much as you can. Make her feel like she's healthy & make her forget about what shes going thru, make her smile.
I wish the best for her and I really hope she gets better and I wish the best for your family and you. I know its effecting you bad, because I know how close you are to her.
All I can say is stay as positive as you can & pray.
love ya
cute blog, hun.
I can't even imagine your pain. I remember way back when , I was in elementary my grandmother &+ uncle came to my house early in the morning telling my mother that my pawpaw had died in the hospital. Even though , I was young back then I still knew he was going through alot of pain and he was also suffering.
I'll never forget the day he passed away it seems just like yesterday when this all happened. I just hope your aunt will be in WONDERFUL shape. Because losing your love ones is like losing half of your soul to someone else.
- All , I can say is keep your head up and spend time with her every minute of the day
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